The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Children

This week I said good-bye to my dad. He died at home, where he wanted to be, at the age of 86.

For many, the death of a parent evokes a sense of fear and dread - "It's going to take forever to go through all their junk...I mean, treasured memories!" The thought of sorting through a lifetime of memories, boxed up and stored in the basement, can be overwhelming.

My parents, however, have given my siblings and me the greatest gift of all. It's not a large inheritance, as some might expect. No, it's the gift of a downsized home!

For the past few decades, Mom and Dad have slowly begun to let go of their past. They gave to us our sports trophies, childhood books, schoolwork and art projects. They donated to charity clothing that no longer fit and household items they no longer used. Each time they moved into a new home, they sold or gave away furniture that was too big or that they simply didn't like. Year by year, they purged old files, discarding credit card and banking statements, outdated tax returns and medical records and countless other files that once had seemed so important.

They also took time to have a will, advance directives, and funeral arrangements prepared, making clear to us their final wishes.

The result of their diligent efforts is that our family is able to grieve the loss of my father, free from the stress of having to deal with decluttering his home. This is the greatest gift that parents can leave for their children.

Maya Angelou once said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Through their actions, my parents made me feel appreciated, loved, respected and cared for. I am truly blessed to be able to celebrate my father's life rather than cursing him for leaving a huge mess for me to clean up.

A great resource when you're ready to get started is the book "Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash: A Step-by-Step Guide to Helping Seniors Downsize, Organize and Move". While written for seniors, the information is equally applicable to people at any age.

I just decluttered...and I'm miserable!

I just decluttered…and I’m miserable!

Decluttering and letting go is supposed to make us feel better, right? Less is more! So how come I feel so miserable after finishing a big declutter project? Let me explain.

I was cleaning out a closet when I came upon a box of stuff that gave me pause. It represented a part of my life that was not particularly happy but that had meaning nonetheless. Even though the items in the box had no monetary value and actually brought back sad memories, I was struggling to let them go. Why was it so hard to get rid of them? And, once I did, why did I feel so bad?

In a word – attachment. I had developed an attachment to the objects in the box and what they represented to me. Whether healthy or unhealthy, rational or irrational, the attachment was there. When I finally let go of the items, I felt a sense of regret, like the loss of a friend or losing a cherished pet. It seemed quite silly, given that the objects had no monetary or even sentimental value.

I finally decided to give myself permission to be sad and to regret having let go of the objects. It was like I was in mourning! For a few days I beat myself up about my decision and vowed never to let that happen again. But with time, those feelings passed, just like the sadness of a bad breakup.

Eventually, I actually found it funny that I had reacted so strongly to getting rid of some junk from my past. In hindsight, it was really quite liberating. Liberated not only of the box but from all of the negativity that had lived inside of it. What a pleasure to open my closet and see a big space where that crappy box used to live.