The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Children

This week I said good-bye to my dad. He died at home, where he wanted to be, at the age of 86.

For many, the death of a parent evokes a sense of fear and dread - "It's going to take forever to go through all their junk...I mean, treasured memories!" The thought of sorting through a lifetime of memories, boxed up and stored in the basement, can be overwhelming.

My parents, however, have given my siblings and me the greatest gift of all. It's not a large inheritance, as some might expect. No, it's the gift of a downsized home!

For the past few decades, Mom and Dad have slowly begun to let go of their past. They gave to us our sports trophies, childhood books, schoolwork and art projects. They donated to charity clothing that no longer fit and household items they no longer used. Each time they moved into a new home, they sold or gave away furniture that was too big or that they simply didn't like. Year by year, they purged old files, discarding credit card and banking statements, outdated tax returns and medical records and countless other files that once had seemed so important.

They also took time to have a will, advance directives, and funeral arrangements prepared, making clear to us their final wishes.

The result of their diligent efforts is that our family is able to grieve the loss of my father, free from the stress of having to deal with decluttering his home. This is the greatest gift that parents can leave for their children.

Maya Angelou once said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Through their actions, my parents made me feel appreciated, loved, respected and cared for. I am truly blessed to be able to celebrate my father's life rather than cursing him for leaving a huge mess for me to clean up.

A great resource when you're ready to get started is the book "Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash: A Step-by-Step Guide to Helping Seniors Downsize, Organize and Move". While written for seniors, the information is equally applicable to people at any age.

I just decluttered...and I'm miserable!

I just decluttered…and I’m miserable!

Decluttering and letting go is supposed to make us feel better, right? Less is more! So how come I feel so miserable after finishing a big declutter project? Let me explain.

I was cleaning out a closet when I came upon a box of stuff that gave me pause. It represented a part of my life that was not particularly happy but that had meaning nonetheless. Even though the items in the box had no monetary value and actually brought back sad memories, I was struggling to let them go. Why was it so hard to get rid of them? And, once I did, why did I feel so bad?

In a word – attachment. I had developed an attachment to the objects in the box and what they represented to me. Whether healthy or unhealthy, rational or irrational, the attachment was there. When I finally let go of the items, I felt a sense of regret, like the loss of a friend or losing a cherished pet. It seemed quite silly, given that the objects had no monetary or even sentimental value.

I finally decided to give myself permission to be sad and to regret having let go of the objects. It was like I was in mourning! For a few days I beat myself up about my decision and vowed never to let that happen again. But with time, those feelings passed, just like the sadness of a bad breakup.

Eventually, I actually found it funny that I had reacted so strongly to getting rid of some junk from my past. In hindsight, it was really quite liberating. Liberated not only of the box but from all of the negativity that had lived inside of it. What a pleasure to open my closet and see a big space where that crappy box used to live.

Organizing for the Holidays

I posted this back in 2009 and it's still good advice today in 2014. Take a look!

A few tips for a less stressful holiday season!

1. Do less! If cooking a large meal stresses you out, have each guest bring a dish. Or order your meal from a local grocer and do away with cooking altogether.
2. Limit gift giving. In the current economy, who wouldn't understand your need to cut back on gift giving. Consider gift cards for out-of-town friends and family members (no shipping except the cost to mail a letter). For local friends and family, set a per person spending limit.
3. Plan ahead. Start now to plan holiday meals and other preparations. Break them down into small, manageable bites. For example, several days in advance:
   Step 1 - Select the recipes you'll prepare
   Step 2 - Create a shopping list (check cupboards for items you may already have)
   Step 3 - Shop; stick to the list!
   Step 4 - Pre-cook and freeze some dishes
   Step 5 - Find table linens; launder and iron
   Step 6 - Find pots, pans, utensils and dishes needed for the meal
   Step 7 - Day before - set table; vacuum and other last minute cleaning
   Step 8 - Day of - cook, enjoy your friends and family, and relax if you forget to put the rolls in the oven!
4. Outsource. If cleaning for the holidays stresses you out, hire a cleaning service (reserve early). Or ask about our Guest Room Transformation! Just in time for the holidays, we’ll de-clutter and turn your spare bedroom into the ideal place for weary travelers to lay their heads. You’ve got enough to worry about; we’ve got this!
5. Take care of you! You'll be more effective and more fun to be with if you feel good, are well rested and aren't stressed. Make time each day for exercise (walk, play with the dogs, dance - whatever!). Get enough sleep. Take a yoga class or meditate every day.

Get in touch with the true nature of the holiday season and bring the focus back to a more simple celebration with family and friends. Enjoy!

Leftover Night - Part 2

Leftover Night – Part 2

Last week I wrote about leftover night, the idea that once a week you should serve a meal consisting of nothing but leftovers. In doing so, you’ll not only save money by not wasting food, but you’ll also free up space in the refrigerator so that all food is visible and accessible. I closed by mentioning how the same concept could apply to your personal care products and medicine cabinet.

Three or four times each year I engage in Leftover Week (or longer). During this time I vow to only replenish perishable food items, like eggs, fruits and vegetables. Other than that, I subsist on only what’s in the pantry and freezer. My objective is to clear the shelves of nearly all of the food I have on hand. It makes for some interesting meals – pancakes and green beans, homemade soup with whatever frozen veggies I can find and 4 packs of saltines leftover from carry-out night, cereal and a scrambled egg, etc. You get the idea.

Once I’ve emptied about 90% of the pantry and freezer, I allow myself to go shopping (with a specific list, of course!) and replenish with fresh products. By doing this a few times each year, I seldom have to throw away old food and never worry about having a can of soup fall on my toe when opening the pantry door.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes. In the meantime, join me on November 3 at 7 pm (EST) for a FREE webinar, Traction-to-Action: Stop SpinningYour Wheels and Get Organized. I’ll reveal the 3 biggest mistakes people make when trying to get organized and will share 4 proven strategies to jumpstart any organizing project.

Simply,

Mary

Leftover Night

When I was a kid, I remember having Leftover Night. All week, my mom would save the extra food from dinner. A spoonful or two of corn, half of a pork chop, an extra baked potato…everything. Then, one night we’d ask, “What’s for dinner?” and the answer was “Leftovers”. It was like a poor man’s buffet. No one’s plate looked quite the same and there was plenty to choose from, although not too much of any one item.

I know that my mom did this to economize. We got a complete meal out of 6 days’ worth of leftovers. There was no need to throw that food away; it was perfectly good. There just wasn’t much of it. It also gave my mom an idea of our preferences. If she served lima beans one night and there were a lot left over, it was a good indicator that lima beans were not a popular item.

But probably most importantly, the refrigerator got cleaned out every week. By serving all the bits and pieces from past meals, Mom freed up space in the refrigerator for the next week’s groceries (at that time moms shopped once a week because stores weren’t open at night or on Sundays…but that’s another story for another day!). It also cut down on the amount of food that spoiled and had to be thrown away.

As part of your organizing efforts, try using the Leftover Night strategy on your medicine cabinet or personal care products. Pull everything out and notice how many partially used bottles of shampoo, mouthwash, body wash or medicines you have. Now ask yourself – why did I stop using this product? If it was because you didn’t like it or it didn’t do the job right, why did you keep it? If your answer is because it’s perfectly good and you might use it someday, I refer you back to your answer to my first question – Why did you stop using it? The solution is really quite simple – you have 3 options:

1. Put the item back where you found it and worry about it another day (hint – this isn’t the right answer)
2. Use it, even if it’s not your favorite, and commit not to buy another one (shampoo, body wash, cold medicine…) until all of the partially used ones are gone.
3. Throw it away! If you didn’t like it when you bought it and you still don’t like it now, what makes you think you’ll suddenly like it 2-3 months from now?

If you chose Option 2 or 3, congratulations! You’re on your way! If you're interested in more ideas like this, register for my FREE webinar, "Traction to Action: Stop Spinning Your Wheels and Get Organized".

One final thought. As you become aware of how many products you purchase and don’t use, become more discerning in what you do buy. You’ll save space (fewer products makes it easier to find the ones you do use) and the frustration of pouring money down the drain!

Share your best Leftover Night purge here!